I’m sure many of you out there can relate, but I feel like I wear so many hats. There are, of course the easy hats. You know the ones like daughter, sister, and friend. By no means am I minimizing these relationships. They are some of my most important ones, but they don’t require a lot of stress and effort. They come easily, probably because I’ve been wearing these hats my whole life. These are the people that I’m sure (well, at least I’m 99% sure) won’t end up in therapy discussing me and how I’ve ruined their lives.
Then there’s the hats that do require some stress and effort. Falling into this category would be the in-law hat. This one confuses me a lot sometimes. My in laws are great, but they are so different from my family and sometimes it’s weird to think that they are my family too, you know? You know what I’m talking about. The daughter-in-law hat is probably the hardest of the in law hats. But, I always think that one day, I’m going to be the mother-in-law to at least two daughter-in-laws. For some reason, that always make me feel more kind and compassionate towards my own mother-in-law and she teaches me how I want to treat my future daughter-in-laws.
Another hat that is probably equal to the in-law hat is the teacher, and now, student hat. I’ve finally decided to clear my credential. Since it’s going to expire this summer, I decided that I better take those last couple of classes before it does. So, now I’m taking two classes online and CPR tomorrow afternoon. Good times.
One of my harder hats, that I absolutely love to death, is my wife hat. Geric is definitely my best friend and he cracks me up like no one else on the planet. This hat feels overwhelming because it’s not just any old wife hat, it’s a pastor’s wife hat. I never realized how stressful this could be. Don’t get me wrong, I love it that Geric has chosen to work in ministry and I love standing by his side while he does it, but there are some things that I never thought about before he became a pastor. Things like people knowing me and talking to me like we’re best friends and I can’t even remember their first name. (Happens every Sunday.) Or people asking me questions like I’m closer to God because my husband is a pastor, and we all know that pastor’s are closer to God, right? Or the stress of feeling like I need to be “hands on” in my husband’s ministry because that’s what a good pastor’s wife would do, but how can I possibly fit that in to my already hectic schedule? (I just reread that paragraph and I make it seem like it’s terrible being a pastor’s wife, and it’s really not, it’s just harder than I thought it would be, that’s all.)
The most stressful hat that I wear is the mommy hat. This hat emcompasses many qualities. Things like cleaning lady, short order cook, comedian, event planner, teacher, story teller, yard monitor, boo-boo kisser, wrestler, cuddler, disciplinarian, sleep enforcer, bus driver, and the ever appealing butt wiper. This is the hat that probably fits most naturally but it’s also the one that causes me the most heartache. I constantly question my mothering skills. No matter how many times my husband, mom, best friend, whoever, tells me that I’m a good mom, all it takes is one scowl from another mother at the park because my kid did something to her kid and I question myself again. I’m not looking for encouragement. I know it’s natural for boys to be more aggressive/dare-devilish/limit-pushing/life-risking, and I don’t think you can fully understand that statement unless you have a son. I have two! This hat also comes equipped with a worry ribbon tied around the top! I have never worried so much in my life as I have since I became a mommy. If I made a list of everything I have worried about in the last 3 years, you would be sitting here a very, very long time. BUT, this hat is also one of the most fulfilling hats. My kids fill my heart with so much love and I adore them so much that I would never have it any other way. I proudly and gladly wear this hat… even though these are the people that I’m sure (at least I’m 99% sure) will end up in therapy because I’ve ruined their lives! 🙂
There are days where I want to have a garage sale and sell all my hats and move to a deserted island. But I think I would just want to come back after a week… or two or three… maybe a month or two.