I come by this naturally, really. My dad is always thinking about dying, but not in a depressing way, more of a humorous way. He has his whole funeral planned, which is actually a whole post of it’s own, but just so you can see what I’m talking about… it involves fishing wire rigged so he can wave at people from his coffin, a spooky video where he talks to people from the grave, and his children chanting “Dad’s dead” like Arnie from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. I know, some of you are appalled, but this is just regular Thanksgiving table conversation in my family. So, now that I’ve explained, it seems natural that I would think about my own death from time to time, right?
For example, the other day I had just put both the boys down for a nap and went outside to get the mail. I had skipped breakfast and was about to eat lunch, so all I had eaten all day was about five cups of coffee. I was feeling all weak and shaky, and as I went out to get the mail I was blasted with the 112 degree heat. I was walking down my driveway thinking, “Man, what if I fainted right now?” There was no one outside. They were probably all enjoying their ac’s. Would I just lay on my driveway and bake until Geric got home? Maybe a good Samaritan would drive by and wonder what that lady was doing sprawled out on her driveway and rescue me. More than likely my watchdog neighbor across the street would run over and save me from any untimely death. Good to know.
Here’s another one. Geric and I watched The Notebook the other night. (I didn’t even have to force him, he just came in and sat down on the couch and watched the whole thing with me.) After we both bawled through the ending… how can you not? It’s seriously heart wrenching!!! Anyway, we decided we want to die like Noah and Allie, you know, in bed in each others arms at the exact same time. So when we went to bed I made him practice our pose. We’re going to hold each other like them but instead of serene, peaceful looks on our faces, we’re going to have big ol’ silly grins, similar to the Joker’s smile. I thought this would make people see how much we loved each other, that we’re in a better place, and it’s good for a laugh. Come on, you’d laugh a little if you saw that, right?
Last one. Have you ever heard of those tragic stories where the stay-at-home mom dies in the middle of the day from something like an aortic aneurysm and nobody knows until dad comes home and the baby has been crying in the crib all day. Seriously sad. Really, really sad. But it got me thinking, what would my kids do if I dropped dead in the middle of the day? So…. we were wrestling around in the play room the other day when I just stopped and played dead. Caden called my name a few times, tried to pry open my eyelids, and then went and turned on the TV and sat down to watch. Jacob used my butt as a pillow and did the same. Looks like they’ll make do ’til Daddy gets home.
So, I’m not the only one, right? Everyone thinks like this from time to time, right? Or am I seriously demented?