Morbid Thoughts

I come by this naturally, really.  My dad is always thinking about dying, but not in a depressing way, more of a humorous way.  He has his whole funeral planned, which is actually a whole post of it’s own, but just so you can see what I’m talking about… it involves fishing wire rigged so he can wave at people from his coffin, a spooky video where he talks to people from the grave, and his children chanting “Dad’s dead” like Arnie from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape.  I know, some of you are appalled, but this is just regular Thanksgiving table conversation in my family.  So, now that I’ve explained, it seems natural that I would think about my own death from time to time, right?

For example, the other day I had just put both the boys down for a nap and went outside to get the mail.  I had skipped breakfast and was about to eat lunch, so all I had eaten all day was about five cups of coffee.  I was feeling all weak and shaky, and as I went out to get the mail I was blasted with the 112 degree heat.  I was walking down my driveway thinking, “Man, what if I fainted right now?”  There was no one outside.  They were probably all enjoying their ac’s.  Would I just lay on my driveway and bake until Geric got home?  Maybe a good Samaritan would drive by and wonder what that lady was doing sprawled out on her driveway and rescue me.  More than likely my watchdog neighbor across the street would run over and save me from any untimely death.  Good to know.

Here’s another one.  Geric and I watched The Notebook the other night.  (I didn’t even have to force him, he just came in and sat down on the couch and watched the whole thing with me.)  After we both bawled through the ending… how can you not?  It’s seriously heart wrenching!!!  Anyway, we decided we want to die like Noah and Allie, you know, in bed in each others arms at the exact same time.  So when we went to bed I made him practice our pose.  We’re going to hold each other like them but instead of serene, peaceful looks on our faces, we’re going to have big ol’ silly grins, similar to the Joker’s smile.  I thought this would make people see how much we loved each other, that we’re in a better place, and it’s good for a laugh.  Come on, you’d laugh a little if you saw that, right?

Last one.  Have you ever heard of those tragic stories where the stay-at-home mom dies in the middle of the day from something like an aortic aneurysm and nobody knows until dad comes home and the baby has been crying in the crib all day.  Seriously sad.  Really, really sad.  But it got me thinking, what would my kids do if I dropped dead in the middle of the day?  So…. we were wrestling around in the play room the other day when I just stopped and played dead.  Caden called my name a few times, tried to pry open my eyelids, and then went and turned on the TV and sat down to watch.  Jacob used my butt as a pillow and did the same.  Looks like they’ll make do ’til Daddy gets home. 

So, I’m not the only one, right?  Everyone thinks like this from time to time, right?  Or am I seriously demented? 


6 responses

  1. I totally think about that stuff too!
    On Friday I guess I had some mild heat stroke and felt like I was gonna pass out too. I kept thinking I should walk around with my phone on my pocket so I could call my mom quickly and I thought about unlocking the front door so someone could get in. But I didnt do either and after I puked I felt much better – yum.

  2. You are SO not the only one. I think that stuff ALL the time. It’s awful. I especially thought like that after my grandpa passed away when I was pregnant with Noah and I thought to myself “Oh crap. Now my dad is next in line. I’m gonna be in my dad’s position soon – a grandparent, dealing with my father’s death, and then I’ll be bumped up the line!”

    Then after Noah was born I was scared to death (no pun intended) of dying. I didn’t want to miss out! I still wake up and thank God for every day I have on earth because seriously it goes by so fast.

    I just wrote about that the other day while I was watching the muppet show. How sad is that, thinking about death while watching the muppet show? LAME. Glad I’m not the only one although I’ve never played dead in front of my kiddo . . . yet.

  3. I think its SO funny that you played dead in front of your kids, and they were like “whatever mom, tv is on”. Those are some kids after my own heart. Now I don’t often think much about my own death, but I do spend some time worrying about the rapture. I was laying in bed the other night thinking “OH MY GOSH! If i’m raptured up, my dogs are going to be stuck in this house without food or water. How long will they last before they turn on the cat, and then on each other. Who will eat who first? Will Bridget eat Mikey? Will he sense her weakness cuz of her bum hip? Oh GOD! Please take my dogs to. I can’t take the thought of my cannibal dogs!” So while its totally not the same as death, its almost equally as morbid.

  4. OMG this was too funny….

    Ok, so I have a few comments
    1…. I CRIED at the end of the Notebook too….. I did…. amazing huh?
    2. I totally think fo this kinda of stuff too but mine isnt as funny… I am doing it in the sad depressed kinda way….
    3. I about peed my pants when you dropped dead to see what your kids would do… and that, in itself is funny, but how your kids responded to it just topped it off for me…. your butt must be a nice pillow…. (maybe if you die you can have that taxadurmed as a gift for Jacob)…
    4. I LOVE the smiling freaky faces you and geric practiced….

    too funny

  5. Most days I am sure I will fall down my stairs and die right there on the landing, I’m pretty clumsy on stairs! But my biggest death issue is sliding on ice while driving and having my kids die, and I wouldn’t. I mostly worried about that one while I was pregnant with Ainsley in winter. I had slid at the same turn twice and luckily there was never a car there. Needless to say, I stop about 20 feet back from that turn now and inch up in Winter,

  6. After reading this, I was in the living room, sitting on the couch and reading. I stood up to get something and my toes got stuck in the cuff of my capri pants. I almost took a header into the coffee table that Aubrey’s train is on. Holy Crap! That would have been very morbid and ironic. Luckiy I shifted direction and regained my balance in the nick of time. Just had to share!

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