Sometimes, that’s me. I don’t know what causes it, because I’m not always socially retarded. Some times I’m downright friendly, quite delightful actually. But then, I’ll be walking through church and it strikes. I lose all my social cues and bumble around like an idiot.
Last night was awful. I don’t know what was wrong with me! Well, I do, partly (like I have justification for some of my rude behavior) but mostly I was just feeling a little socially retarded. I got to church a little late and there is a new check in system for the kids where you scan a keytag to check them in. (I know, it’s totally a sign of the end times… my children have become bar codes!!!) Anyway, some people didn’t have their key tags yet and so there was a really big crowd in the lobby. One lady said that if we already have our keytag we can go to another kiosk in front of the church. So, we hightail it over there. On the way, we pass the sanctuary and I can hear that church has already started and the guy that I love to lead worship is leading this week and I’m missing it! So, we get to the other kiosk and there’s another long line. I grumble under my breath, and one of the assoiciate pastors walk up and says that there is another place to check in in the main lobby (where we just came from) and I say exasperatingly, “They just told us to come here!” I know, in writing, it doesn’t sound that rude, but in real life, it sounded a little bit… exasperated. And I was slightly embarrassed when I realized that it was an associate pastor, someone I’ve met, someone Geric works with. I don’t know if he thought I was a jerk, or if he didn’t even notice, but I just thought, “Good one, Erin.”
So, we finally get checked in and I’m walking through the lobby to get the kids in their classes when I make eye contact with two other pastors at the church. I didn’t even say hi! How rude! I can justify my behavior by saying this, right after I saw them, I saw a filipino guy out of the corner of my eye and he looked a lot like an ex-boyfriend and my heart literally jumped into my throat. I don’t like unplanned meetings with ex-boyfriends. I don’t even really like planned meetings with ex-boyfriends. But it wasn’t him, but I still didn’t say hi to the two pastors. Rude. I did smile though.
So, I finally get Caden and Jacob in their classes and I’m sprint walking back to the sanctuary (because I’m missing all the good worship) when I fall in step with the senior pastor. That’s the guy that seriously intimidates me. I don’t really know why, cause he’s just a guy, but he’s such a good teacher and really smart and confident, that, I don’t know, it intimidates me. So, he’s like a foot behind me but we’re walking into the sanctuary together, and do I say hello? Maybe a friendly side hug and a “Hi, Pastor Dan”? Nope. Nothin. Just kept walking.
I know I’m being a bit dramatic (but would this story be blog-worthy of I wasn’t?) Sometimes I blame this blog for my problem. Here, I have time to think before I divulge my thoughts. I can write a whole paragraph and go back and delete it if I want. I can even publish a post and go back and edit it. Out in the real world people expect me to respond immediately! And once it’s out there, it’s out there, there’s no taking it back! Sometimes, that too much pressure. And sometimes, it make me feel like I should just go home and stay inside for a few weeks until I know how to function in society again as a friendly-natured person. Please tell me you can relate.