Just so you know, the title of this post is dripping with sarcasm.
Just so you know, my last post about our cheerful family night surrounded in love and fuzzy feelings is the exact opposite of how the very next morning went.
Just so you know, all of you that thought I was so amazing because of my creative abilities when it comes to family nights, may change your mind by the end of this post.
Okay, here goes.
Yesterday morning sucked. I hate mornings when Geric has to leave before we are even up. I know, it’s a luxury a lot of stay at home moms don’t have, but he helps me in the morning a lot. I love it. And since Elijah has arrived, I kinda rely on it. But yesterday, no such luck.
We woke up late (probably because Elijah woke me up every two hours during the night. Sweet.) Caden had school and while I was tempted to just keep him home, I knew and he knew it was his Valentine’s party and I would hear it all day if I made that mistake. So, instead we rushed. Scratch that. I rushed. They lounged and chatted with each other and watched some TV. No one seemed to care about that memo that the preschool just sent out about being on time and how my 5 year old is missing out on vital information (vital, people!) when I drop him off 10 minutes late. No one cared except me! Can you believe it?
I ran around looking for clothes for Caden and Jacob, which was extremely hard to do considering I hadn’t done laundry in WAY TOO LONG! I finally found a pair of pants that apparently made Caden “look like a dork.” How does a 5 year old know such things? I don’t know. He’s fashion conscious. When I told him they were the only clean pants he had, meltdown city. So I moved on to Jacob.
Elijah started fussing.
Jacob didn’t want to get dressed. Period. I told him I didn’t really care if he got dressed or not. He could wear his pajamas all day. I left an outfit and moved back to Caden, who was still flipping out over the “dorky pants.” When I told him it was either dorky pants or crusty, dirty pants he opted for the dorky pants. Good choice, my boy! Good choice.
Holy crap! I just remembered that it’s the Valentine’s party, thus deeming Valentine cards necessary!
Pull out the box. Rip apart the cards. Frantically sign Caden’s name to 17 of them all the while thnking about how the other parents in his class would probably think I have a really dumb kid that can’t even write his own name on 17 cards, but really it’s because his writing arm is broken, although they probably wouldn’t think that because it’s his left arm and most people write with their right, so they’ll probably just think he’s a big ol’ dummy. Should I print out a tag that goes with each card explaining why I wrote his name and not him? Should I make a general announcement while waiting outside his classroom door? (“Excuse me! Can I have everyone’s attention for just a quick sec?”) God forbid these people that I don’t know, that I see for a total of 5 minutes every week think that I have a stupid child!!! Oh well, what can be done?
Elijah’s still crying.
Back to Caden.
Where’s your other shoe?
I don’t know.
I can’t, Mom!
Scour the house, the backyard, and the van for 20 minutes. No shoe! Not even a pair of back ups that fit. Our only option… flip flops. Even though it’s cloudy and reaching a high of 65, good thing we live in Southern California. Flip flops are always acceptable. Just make sure to say something to the teacher about Caden losing his other shoe. He lost it, not me. Just so she knows that I’m not that neglectful parent that dresses her child completely inappropriately for the weather. Because like the other parents at Caden’s school I really don’t want someone I interact with twice a week for a total of 10 minutes thinking lowly of me.
Back to Jacob. Still in jammies. I don’t care… but HE DOES! God forbid these people that he never noticed before see him in his Spiderman jammies!
All hell breaks lose.
I start screaming that he doesn’t have time to get dressed and shove his shoes on his feet. He screams he’s not going and rips his shoes off his feet. I spank his hiney and shove his shoes back on. He screams he’s not going and runs into his room.
Caden is now hiding behind the couch.
Elijah is screaming his head off.
I’m sure the neighbors are calling CPS.
I decide to leave Jacob behind. (Or at least let him think that is what I’m going to do.)
Caden and Elijah are loaded up in the van and Jacob comes running out of the house, just to scream some more about how he’s not going and hides in the garage. I get in the van, start it, up and back out. Now Jacob is running after the van screaming he wants to go.
Now the neighbors are for sure calling CPS.
Jacob gets in the van and Elijah and him scream and cry the whole 20 minutes to Caden’s school. I turn on the static that is supposed to calm Elijah down but is not working… can someone say stimulation overload?
Wishing that I could just drop Caden off at the curb (but knowing that I can’t) everyone gets out of the van (Jacob and Elijah still crying) and walk into the school. I ignore all the glances from those judgmental moms. Say a sarcastic “Good morning!” with a smile to the one mom that I can tell feels my pain and drop Caden off with his teacher, after I explained the shoe choice. I’m not a bad mom, I’m not a bad mom, I’m not a bad mom.
Back in the van. Jacob stops crying. Elijah stops crying. I call my mom to vent. End up laughing a little bit.
Back home. Walk in the house.
“What’s that smell?”
Probably a petrified piece of hot dog deeply, deeply wedged in the couch cushions.
Some people say I’m going to miss these days.
I beg to differ.