First things first, look to the right! See that awesome new logo of mine! Do you LOVE it? Me too! Thanks Jane!
I have lots of different friends on facebook. In fact, I have 282 friends on facebook. You’re probably one of them. And if you are, go “like” my new page, Queen of the Jungle right now and then come back! And if you’re not, just click that little box to the right and I’ll be your friend. I’m friendly, I swear.
Back to my friends… Some are from different churches we’ve attended, some are from school, some are family. But my most entertaining kind of friend is definitely a teenage girl. They are always updating their statuses, always letting us know where they are with their hand dandy “check in” feature, always posting photos, and always changing their profile picture.
I have quite a few teenage girl facebook friends since Geric used to be a youth pastor, and honestly, their photos crack me up! There are a few different circles of girls that don’t know each other at all, but there are some common threads in all of their pictures.
First of all, they love, love, love the photo booth application on a mac computer… or in the apple store. If their girlfriends come over, then it’s non-stop photo booth fun. They usually take their photos with some kind of effect… black and white, sepia, thermal. But never the distorted effects, because those make you look weird and unattractive. (Those effects are for bored stay-at-home-moms and their kids when they need a good laugh.) And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but they all have very similar themes. They all contain variances of the following photos.
Please excuse the wrinkles and the lack of make up or the fact that I didn’t do my hair today. I am not a teenage girl.
This one is all about the eyes and the lips. Eyebrows up and lips all cock-a-mae-me. This is an image that’s saying, “What? I will not be taking any crap from you! I’m a teenage girl for crying out loud! I have attitude to the max! Do not walk all over me, cuz I will not tolerate it… boi!” (All that was being said with a finger waggin’ in the air.)
This image usually involves lots of eyeliner and heavy eye makeup, both of which are absent from my face because I had a total of 3.6 minutes to get ready before the baby woke up from his nap and the other two realized I was out of the room and started destroying things. This photo is usually taken from their own personal camera, and not from the typical photo booth application. You get this one by holding your camera way up above your head and barely tilting your head back. Your open you eyes nice and wide like a doe and give an ever-so-subtle smile. Sometimes a pout will do. It says, “I’m innocent. I’m pure. I mean, I’m just a teenage girl after all.”
NOT TOO SEXY CUZ MY MOM’S MY FRIEND, BUT KINDA SEXY
This is as sexy as most of the teenage girls that are my facebook friends get. I mean, this isn’t myspace, people! They adjust their hair by poofing it up with one hand… and keep your hand there. Don’t use a clip. Everyone likes to see a little upper arm, a bicep if you will. Then you pucker up your lip-gloss-slathered-lips (which I neglected to wear because my kids stole mine and hid it.) This one says, “Hi boys, I’m a cute teenage girl. Like my hair? It’s poofy, right? Look at my bicep. And aren’t my lips shiny? Can’t kiss ’em, cuz I’m on your computer. See ya at school tomorrow.”
CLOSED LIPS SMILE
This one cracks me up. I don’t know why but it reminds me of an opening song to an 80’s sitcom like Charles in Charge. It’s like the teenage girl in the show would be doing something like putting towels away in the closet and then the whole top shelf would fall on her head and she would turn around, put her hand up like she’s saying “I don’t know” and give this smile. It says, “Oh my gosh! Silly me! What was I thinking? I’m just a teenage girl! Duh!” But it’s not too funny because you never show teeth. Never.
HAND ON HIP SMILE
This one allows some teeth to show. Because the teenage girl is genuinely happy. You usually get these ones when she’s on her way to a dance or out with friends or what have you. She puts her hand on her hip to make her arm look skinny (so I am told) and to add a little sass. She’s saying, “That’s right! I’m cute! I’m a teenage girl and I’m going out! Woot, woot!”
Oh, teenage girls, I love you! You remind me of my high school days, you make me smile, you crack me up, and you make me ever so thankful that I have sons.