Do you ever fear that you’re missing the blessing? I do.
Not that I think God withholds His blessings from us. Because I definitely don’t think that. But do you ever think He looks down on us, shakes His head, sighs and says, “Girl, if you would just let go and trust me, if you would just ignore your fears and lean on me, if you would stop worrying about what everyone else thinks and really understand what I think, then, and only then, would you see that I have SO MUCH MORE for you!”
Do you ever think He thinks that? I do.
Well, at least I think He thinks that about me. Maybe not you. But definitely me.
The crazy thing, too, is that I really feel like I have witnessed God’s power firsthand. I’ve seen answers to prayers that I thought were impossible. I’ve seen Him change people I thought were unchangeable. I’ve seen Him repair situations that I thought were irrepairable. So, wouldn’t you think that would make me someone who would do anything to be smackdab in the middle of His will for me and my family so I could experience as much of His blessing as I possibly could this side of heaven? One would think…
I’m pondering all of this because we’re kind of at a crossroads. We’re probably going to end up moving here shortly. Geric is working, but it’s definitely not his dream job. And I’m just sort of feeling like we’re in a rut. Like, there must be more to life than this. Not that I am not fully aware of the blessings that have already been bestowed upon me. I am. Believe me. I am. But some days, a lot of days, it feels like we were made for something bigger than this.
Am I making any sense?
Some days Geric will say we should just sell everything and move away and be missionaries. And I always say, “You’re crazy!” He is crazy, right? Because I’ve done the missionary thing and I don’t know if I’m cut out for that. Three months in the heat of Honduras without my family or my bestie was a very long time. A. Very. Long. Time. And now I have kids! That just seems impossible.
But my God is the God of the impossible.
I really wish God would just write things in the sky sometimes. If I was God I would do that. Why not? My people want to know what I think? Here, I’ll write it over here in cloud formation. What’s the big deal, God? Just a little hint wouldn’t kill me. Right?
Or maybe He could show me kind of like a magic 8 ball. I could ask him a question, like should we move in with my mom and dad? And then I would close my eyes and see a traffic signal with the red light lit up, signaling, no you should not, because you’ll end up hating your mom (and she you) and your husband will go crazy.
Something like that would be really helpful. Right?
That and a money tree.
But I digress.
Here’s what I have to cling to: Romans 12:2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” So, it’s a constant thing. Its not a one time sky writing event, its a daily immersion in God’s word and prayer. I think we are oblivious to the ways the things of this world fill our minds to the point that we cloud out God’s will for us. We could see Him so clearly if He was our one true focus.
How much time do I truly spend with my Savior? Just me and Him? Not just mealtime prayers, or prayers before school, or bedtime prayers, but one on one time, just me and my Jesus? Not nearly enough. Could that be why I can’t hear His voice so clearly?
What’s that, God? I can’t hear you over the music from Dancing with the Stars! Speak up!
That’s a joke, but it’s kinda for reals, right?
I’m tempted to write something about how I’m going to give up reality TV to hang with God. Or how I’m gonna spend my first hour of the day with God by setting my alarm clock for really early o’clock. But I don’t think God works like that. I don’t think He wants us to feel like we have to spend time with Him. I think He wants us to want Him.
So instead of setting a time limit or calling a TV fast, I’m going to start praying for more of a hunger. A true hunger that cannot be satisfied by anything but Him. A hunger that cannot be ignored.
God, make me hungry for You
And that money tree wouldn’t hurt either.